Joyce H. (Vacha) Repents and Apologizes

It has been brought to my attention that I failed to represent someone clearly in my Story, myself. I acknowledge that when I wrote in my Story: (May I interject here my sincere regrets and apologies to those whom I have offended. Many times I was more concerned with upholding the ‘standard’ than I was in caring for the needs of the individual.) I should have been far more specific and have expounded upon my apology. I too am guilty of having been abusive and controlling and of perpetuating a ministry that does the same, and for this, an apology is warranted.

To those who left the ‘assembly’ while I was there, please forgive me. I did nothing to help you on your journey with Christ. In fact, for many of you, I never called you, I never wrote to you, and worse yet I believed the lies that were undoubtedly said about you. Forgive me for not having a shepherd’s heart. Even when I heard you were struggling or had fallen into sin I did not go after you. I think of ones now and wonder, ‘Where are you?’ I wish I could go back and do it all over again.

To the ones I ‘shepherded’, took through the anchors, and especially those I brought into ‘fellowship’, please forgive me. I have led you astray, I taught you things that were untrue and brought you and your thinking into bondage.

To my fellow Christians in the ‘assembly’, please forgive me. I supported and promoted an abusive, controlling system and the men who led it. By my behavior and/or words I encouraged you to stay in this system thereby putting you at great spiritual, emotional and possibly physical risk. I perpetuated an abusive ministry by participating in various activities to ‘bring people in’; the mimes, campus ministries, the MTT’s, tent meetings, Sunday afternoon witnessing, neighborhood outreaches, etc.

To the sisters who lived in my home and the ones I worked with, please forgive me. As a ‘head steward’ I was controlling and abusive. I was more concerned about keeping a high ‘standard’ than I was about you as a person. I had a distorted perspective of what it meant to love you. I thought by ‘making you tow the line’ I was being faithful to ‘have Christ formed in you’. But, instead I was perpetuating a ‘works’ gospel instead of a gospel of grace. As distorted as my love was please know that I did love and care for you. However, because of pride and arrogance I wanted my home to ‘look good’ or to fulfill the expectation of others. Consequently, I tried to manipulate you into acting and behaving in a certain way. Please forgive me.

To fellow ‘workers', please forgive me. By desiring this ‘position’, I supported a ministry that has brought harm, sorrow and shame to the name of Christ. I promoted and supported an unethical and evil man. It grieves my heart when I think of the number of times my conscious was pricked by the things George Geftakys did or said, or by what we as ‘workers’ did or said, and I did not have the courage to respond to that pricking. I wanted to please men more than God. I was an idolater; I worshiped man’s approval more than God’s approval. I was lazy and slothful; I just accepted what was taught instead of being a diligent student of the word. And, I was a coward; even when I didn’t agree with the teaching I was silent.

To the Leading Brothers and Elders, please forgive me. I was unfaithful to you. I strengthened an abusive system by being submissive to your ‘authority’. A type of ‘authority’ that God never intended. I supported a system that made my obedience to you equivocal to my obedience to God. Shame on me for supporting you in that position, it was as unhealthy for you as it was for me.

If I have failed to list a sin against you, please let me know so I can make it right.

Truly our sins are not only against God but also against one another. In Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest he wrote:

"None of us liveth to himself." Romans14:7

Has it ever dawned on you that you are responsible for other souls spiritually before God? For instance, if I allow any private deflection from God in my life, everyone about me suffers. We "sit together in heavenly places." "Whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it." When once you allow physical selfishness, mental slovenliness, moral obtuseness, spiritual density, everyone belonging to your crowd will suffer.

My Story was not meant to show how I was an innocent victim; it was about exposing an abusive system and those who perpetrate it. I should have been much clearer in sharing my role in this abusive system. The really sad part about my Story is that ‘most’ of the roles could have been filled by any number of ‘workers’ or ‘saints’. True, the details are about me but the storyline is all too common in many lives. I have no doubt many others could have shared their story of control, manipulation, and coercion far better than I have done. But, this is really not about me or anyone else; it’s about the whole Geftakys ministry. It’s about exposing the darkness found there and those who perpetuate it, either passively by continuing as an active ‘participant’ or aggressively as an active ‘leader’. In either case we have been guilty. This is one of the reasons I left 3 ½ years ago. I could not in good conscious support the ‘assembly’. I could not have fully explained to anyone at the time I left what was ‘off’. I just knew, among other things, that my relationships with the leadership and with others were unhealthy. I thought I was just being ‘faithful’ to ‘deal with issues’ in peoples lives but, somehow it was all wrong. It was void of grace, compassion and mercy. It was full of the law and performance. I rejoice at being set free from the ‘assembly’ teachings but I am even happier to be no longer perpetuating its abusive behaviors.

What’s really ugly about an abusive system such as the Geftakys ministry is the way it reproduces itself. Not only are we the abused but we also become the abusers. I do not use this as an excuse for my behavior; it’s just a sad observation. I do not believe ‘most’ of the ‘saints’, leaders or ‘workers’ were purposely abusive. I believe we just got caught in a system that was rotten and we became desensitized to its harmful ways. It was a system that capitalized on people’s sincere intentions and exploited them for its own purposes. I do believe a line is crossed however, when the abusers see their abusive behavior and the system that supports it and instead of fleeing they continue in it. At this point it becomes evident that their intentions are not to serve but to control and manipulate.

My Story was meant to be a warning to those still involved in the Geftakys ‘assembly’ and as an encouragement to those who have left. It’s not because "I’m really hurting", or because I’m vengeful, angry or taking an opportunity to "strike back". I left the ‘assembly’ almost 3 ½ years ago and it brings me no pleasure to bring up bad experiences or old heartaches. However, my husband Bill and I love those that we labored with and who were a part of our lives for a very long time. We love you more now than when we were in ‘fellowship’ without a doubt, why, because we are free to love in a whole new way. We no longer have an ‘agenda’ to our relationships; we don’t have to be the ‘head steward’ and make you ‘tow the line’, we don’t have to be the ‘worker’ and maintain a certain image, we don’t have to be the ‘leading brother’ and make you ‘accountable’ for the meetings and countless other things.

We are free to be shepherds of your soul, not of your performance. Do we want to see you free from the ‘assemblies’? Yes. Will we make it our life mission? No. That is God’s job and He has sounded the alarm very clearly, as evidenced through the events of the last few months. We hope that you just count your losses (emotional, spiritual, physical, monetary) and make a clean break, at least step away long enough to clear your head. I could never have written my Story right after leaving the ‘assembly’ everything was far too jumbled. It takes time and fresh air to start putting the pieces together and to gain clarity. We have a merciful God; He can heal and restore individual lives, families and friendships. I thank God for the way he has done this, and continues to do this, for Bill and I.

February 17th, 2003

Joyce H.