Abuse in Church Families

Spousal abuse and child abuse happen everywhere, even in church groups that look super-spiritual. George and Betty Geftakys' teaching on the training of wives and children created especially favorable conditions for abuse in Assembly families. We are developing this section to provide education, assistance, links to outside help and resources to help identify spousal and child abuse and promote change within families. If you feel you are in danger, contact your local women's shelter or YWCA. If you would like to talk or email with someone from the Assemblies on this subject, feel free to contact us .

If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, it is important to evaluate whether it is wise or safe for you to use your home computer to get information on domestic violence. Learn how to clear the history or empty the cache file in your computer's browser settings. Or you might consider using a public library or going to a friend's house.

The next step is to evaluate whether you are in an abusive relationship, and if so, how serious is the abuse. We have developed a screening questionnaire to help figure that out. If your spouse has escalated his abuse from verbal to physical, you need outside help. This website is not designed to help you cope with physical violence. Get help immediately.

The K-State University leader's guide for workshops on verbal abuse has been adapted for application to the Assembly situation. There are three parts: Verbal Abuse Part 1: What Is It?, Part 2: What Can You Do About It?, and Part 3: Is There More To It? There is an accompanying checklist.

The website, Sanctuary for the Abused, has a wealth of information, resources and links, as well as checklists to help you assess your situation. Here are a few recommended links from this website:

A FAQ page on the Not to People Like Us website identifies narcissism as one of the contributors to family abuse. There is also a page on characteristics of the upscale abuser .

From the Abuser's Point of View - an insightful glimpse into what an abuser does and why.

A Commentary on Religious Issues in Family Violence, by Dr. Marie Fortune. The sections on Islam and Judaism are interesting, but it is the section on Christianity that addresses how Bible teaching such as is given in the Assembly can contribute to domestic abuse of both wives and children.

Couple Counseling in Violent Family Relationships offers some direct advice in cases of domestic violence. Any wife who has experienced even one incident of violence should take heed. The situation would have been very different for Judy G. if the Leading Brothers had known and followed these warnings.

Dr. Irene Matiatos has a website on verbal abuse. One interesting piece is on adjusting after the loss of an abusive relationship--this is applicable to the loss of the abusive Assembly relationship, as well.

According to author Dee Ann Miller, who specializes in collusion with abuse in the faith community, "Collusion is the conscious or unconscious collaboration of two or more individuals to protect those engaged in unethical practices". Collusion allowed David G.'s domestic violence to go unchecked for 25 years. The following links show that collusion around the issues of clergy sexual abuse and clergy domestic violence happens in many churches.

Basic Facts About Domestic Violence and Collusion
Collusion Just a Symptom
Parallels With Family Dynamics of Addicts

Domestic Violence: Excerpts from The Domestic Violence Sourcebook Excerpts on why women don't seek help or leave batterers.

Rachel's Story exposed the fact that domestic violence existed in the Geftakys Assemblies. Susan M. also tells her story of abuse, and there are other examples as well.
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Submit a comment for publication on this page, or contact us if you would like to talk or email with someone about the Assembly.

Comments from readers.... April 17, 2007, Tom M. posted the following on the Assembly bulletin board: This week, as I was talking with one of my daughters, she told me that in her teen-age years, essentially the 1980's, there was talk about men in leadership who hit their wives!...Yesterday, I ran into a long-time Assembly member, one who was around during my time and for many years after my departure. I asked him if he had ever heard anything like this. He said yes!!! What he told me was that there had been talk of "spanking" wives as part of "training" them!!!

I would like to place a few questions before the readers. During your tenure in the Assemblies, did you ever:

1. Hear this taught or recommended in any of the public meetings?
2. Receive counsel from anyone that you were to participate in this activity?
3. Experience it, witness it or hear of it directly from anyone who was involved either as a perpetrator or a victim?
4. Hear of it being done from someone who did not claim to have witnessed or participated in it.?

This is really sad, and I take no pleasure in discussing it. However, if it really happened I feel it should be brought to light. The past cannot be altered, but at least it can serve as an example of just how evil and dangerous the George Geftakys Assemblies were. It can also serve as a warning to others who are in or considering involvement in similar groups.

June 3, 2008, Anonymous: " Yes my husband and I were in the Assembly, in Omaha Nebraska, for about 14 years. Isn't it interesting that it's the people who were in leadership that are still blowing their 'horns', so to speak, even here.

The reason I'm writing? I'm still plagued with so much regret and shame for what I did. What I did and what all the parents were doing isn't really talked about here, is it? - the abuse we inflicted on our children. We had to attend mothers' meetings where we had to listen to crazy teachings from Cheryl Zach and Chris Sjogren,
two of the most ignorant women I think I've ever known, and both verging on the demonic. We were taught to start spanking our babies at three months old!!! Next time you look at a baby think of that! The teachings were all based on fear, fear tactics to get you to believe their demonic teachings.

Lets talk about what went on in the mothers' rooms. Let's talk about bruises ..bleeding bruises that mothers would compare. The bruises were horrific that some kids came to the meetings with, and we all talked about how to cover them if we needed to go for a doctor's visit. Let's talk about wooden spoons and sticks, violently spanking over and over, and then telling your child to stop crying or they will get more, and of course they would get more. Let's talk about the pinching under the chin that always left marks, where some parents would be pulling their child out the door by their chin.

Remember the technique of the hand over the mouth? Just hold that child's mouth shut while they choke and scream and grunt, sometimes up to an hour or more, till they stop crying, just sitting there on the floor holding your child's shut.

Chris Sjogren baby-sat my daughter at 6 weeks old. When I came to pick her up, Chris told me, " She's in the kitchen closet". And
there my sweet baby was, red and covered in sweat from endless crying, her blanket drenched in sweat, in the dark closet.

It was our biggest fear that some visitor would discover what we were doing to our children, so in the later years the brothers said you couldn't spank at the meetings. All the mothers then held their hands over the mouth under a blanket , one hand tightly, ever so tightly, over the baby's mouth and the other hand on their back , holding the child down.

This treatment of my children is one of my biggest regrets, and causes me so much heart pain. I still beat myself up for listening to "crazy" Cheryl and Chris. My husband and I did not live with any "saints", and so we were considered outside of fellowship. I thank God for that now.

Editor's Note: Cheryl Zach and Chris Sjogren were implementing what had come down to them as a mandate from Fullerton. A special mothers' meeting on child training was held in Fullerton sometime in the mid-80s, I think, that was taped and sent out to all the Assemblies. Betty and Ginger Geftakys came up with exactly what was to be said. Ginger Geftakys, Diane Miller and myself (Margaret Irons) were each assigned sections of the talk. I so deeply regret my part in implementing this kind of teaching. Along with "Anonymous" above, my deepest heart pain about our 20 years in the Assembly is the treatment of my children, which to this day is having very serious and painful repercussions in their lives.