April Fool's Day Memorandum
April 1, 2003
To: All Assembly Members
From: George and Tim Geftakys
Re: Saints Not to Partake in April Fool's Day Celebrations
An executive decision has been made by the Fullerton leadership that all Assembly members and their families should not partake in any sort of April Fools Day celebrations. After carefully studying the origin of April Fools Day, we have determined that April Fools Day was actually started by Satan himself back in the late 1400's. Assembly members should not even bother researching this, as one must be truly anointed to make this discovery.
It has also been determined that April Fools Day jokes often times make people laugh, therefore outwardly showing an "emotion", which of course is against the Geftakys doctrine. We do not want related family members and former friends to think we have slipped back into the "ways of this world", so therefore it is important to remember that we should act robotic at all times, especially on this wicked holiday.
There are several ways we as members of the Assembly can subtly let people know that April Fools Day is not a Christian holiday. First, saints should not put an April Fools Day tree up in their living room as people of this world do during the weeks prior to this holiday. Secondly, as all of the children of this world will go door to door on April Fools Day night, wearing costumes and collecting candy, we should keep out children home, turn off the lights and have them hide under the dinner table so they will not be exposed to this wickedness. Also, it is without question necessary to pull your children out of school on this day, therefore keeping them away from the wicked April Fools day celebrations that will take place in the classroom.
Anyone who disobeys this mandate will be tortured by being forced to listen to a three point lecture by George Geftakys.
Also, remember to put 60.7% of your income into the box in the back of the room. (Yes the Bible says only 10%, but we once again have made a discovery that says members of the Assembly should multiply that by 6 and add .7%) It goes to the needs of this work, and also will go for our expensive hobbies.