'Twas the Night Before the Winter Seminar


'Twas the night before the winter seminar, and all through the house
Not a Saint was sleeping, not one in this house.
The stewardships were done and toilets scrubbed with care
In hope that brother George would be sitting there.
The children were nestled all snug in their bed
While nightmares of mat training, terrorized their heads.
And Mamma in her head covering and me in my tie
Had ignored common sense for the "inner life" nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my lethargy to see the matter!
Away from the house he flew like a flash,
Tore open the offering box and grabbed all the cash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear
But a brand new Hummer and eight leading brothers,
With an old driver so lively and all full of gall
I knew in a moment it must be Brother Know it all!
More rapid than soaring eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now Roger! Now, Rudy Now Rodney and Scott!
On Timmy! On Danny! On Mikey, the whole lot !
Publish the Torch and Testimony for All!
Take the cash away, cash away and send me money orders for all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So the next day, at the podium, the coursers they flew
with lists of 'works' for me and you.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
the efforts of another spoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around
A Giant mechanical hand lowered Brother G. down.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot
And his message was tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of bondage he wanted to fling on our backs.
He looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled, his back how hairy,
His cheeks were like roses and even his nose was hairy.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow.
He claimed his "inner man" was as white as the snow.
The lives of many he held in his teeth,
And that kind of power he was determined to keep.
He had a con mans face and a rich mans belly
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
He was pompous and plump and so full of himself
That I cried when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had very much to dread.
He spoke way too much, all about 'The Work,'
While filling his bank account and being a jerk.
And laying his his finger aside his nose
And giving a nod, up his heavenly ladder he rose.
He sprang to his feet, to his teams gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

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