Domestic Abuse Screening Questionnaire
This questionnaire is adapted from "Take This Test" on Dr. Susan Weitzman's book, Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages. There is a parallel between domestic abuse in upscale marriages and in the Assemblies due to the similar narcissistic profile of the abusers.
Do you. . .?
- Isolate yourself from others in order to hide from others how your mate treats you?
- Fear that you will be disbelieved or rejected by others if others find out what is happening in your relationship with your spouse?
- Find yourself anxiously trying to predict or anticipate your mate's moods and behaviors?
- Feel like you are constantly working on trying to please your spouse so that he won't become angry and treat you cruelly?
If you have answered "yes" to three or more of these questions, be diligent. You may be at the beginning of the path of domestic abuse.
Does your spouse. . .?
- Make impossible demands of you (e.g. how you should look, behave, how much you should weigh, etc.)?
- Humiliate or belittle you in front of others?
- Threaten you verbally (e.g. he will hurt the children, leave you, etc.)?
- Subject you to verbal rage attacks and constant criticism?
These are methods of intimidation.
Escalation. . .?
If intimidation no longer works to control you, your spouse will gradually escalate to physical violence.
- Has your spouse begun hurting you during sex? This often marks the transition to physical violence.
- Do you have injuries or bruises as a result of your spouse's actions?
- Does your spouse bully, frighten you or threaten your well-being or your loved ones' well-being in any way?
- Does your spouse exhibit rage or lose his temper?
- Does your spouse hit, push, shove, choke, strike you?
If you have said "yes" to one or more of these, you should be strongly concerned with the possibility that you are being abused. Without question, it would be prudent for you to seek professional assistance from someone trained in handling domestic abuse.
Other Potential Indicators of Domestic Abuse
Do You. . .?
- Feel ashamed and embarrassed because you feel that your spouse treats you cruelly?
- Think that abuse such as this "doesn't happen to Christians like us"?
- Try to make excuses for or cover up your spouse's actions? (to yourself or others)
- Find yourself making excuses for staying in your relationship based upon your church's teaching about submission and/or divorce?
Does Your Spouse. . .?
- Make you doubt your own abilities and self worth by criticizing or making demeaning attacks on you? (e.g. on your femininity, sexuality, appearance, parental behaviors and/or housekeeping abilities?)
- Show little remorse nor seek forgiveness after exhibiting any or all of these behaviors?
- Believe he can "get away with anything" and deserves special treatment because he is so special? Use your church's teaching about male privilege to justify his behavior?
- Use money and power as a leverage or threat?
Carefully evaluate your answers to these questions, and become informed on this issue.
Above all. . . If you think you or your loved ones may be in danger, get help or consult a professional immediately. SAFETY FIRST - IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE!
Assembly wives were purposefully trained to believe that many of the behaviors listed above are okay, even godly and necessary. Keep in mind that the three individuals most responsible for the twisted Assembly teaching on marriage - George, Betty and David Geftakys - were supporting a hidden agenda to cover up David's ongoing domestic violence.
Please read these two articles for clarification on the scriptural view of marriage:
A Real Marriage by Jeff VanVonderen
Mature Husbands and Fathers based on a book by Mark Bryan.